Throughout the last two installments of this article I have been talking about the four G’s of reconciliation. Today we talk about the third “G” which is “gently restore”. The best way I can think of to do this is to tell you a story about myself as a pastor and how I messed up on this third “G”.

For the last few years I have been on a push of some sorts to get into contact and “deal” with inactive members of the church. I would call them and most of the time leave messages for them to call me back. Almost 100% of the time they wouldn’t call back. My next step would be to send a letter to them, explaining to them the “error” of their ways and how God wants them back in church. In the letter I would ask for a response from them once again, and once again almost 100% of the time I would get no response. At the end of this frustrating process I would send what as I look back on it now sounds more like a collections letter than a “loving” letter from the pastor basically telling them that I expected them in church soon and if they didn’t come to church or at least express their intention to do so soon, that their names would be dropped from membership roles.

You can probably guess that this approach was unsuccessful to say the least. Not only did these people not come back to church, but many were so offended and hurt by my “good intentions” that in their eyes and in the eyes of many of their family members my reputation was and still is ruined. I am no longer the loving pastor to them that they need. Instead I am the judging, hurtful pastor that they never want to see or speak to again.

Was I in the right? I guess you could say that I was. I was their pastor and it was my job to “take care” of them and I was doing what I thought was right. After all, they were the ones who weren’t coming to church. They were the ones who needed correction. Weren’t they?

What good did my self righteous actions do? They did no good at all. Why? Not because I wasn’t doing my job. I was doing my job. But I wasn’t doing it in a Godly, Christian, and loving way. I was being a self righteous critic and judge instead of being a loving and caring pastor.

If any of you that I have hurt by my words and actions are out there reading this today, I would love, more than anything, to come to you to talk with you and spend time with you so that I may confess my sins to you and so that God may reconcile us.

This is a perfect example of how NOT to gently restore. First of all I wasn’t glorifying God. I was instead trying to glorify the church and myself and at the same time put down and judge the person I was supposed to love and care for. There goes the first “G” which was to “glorify God” in conflict.

I also messed up the second “G” which was “get the log out of your own eye”. The person or family had not been coming to church for a reason. Maybe I hurt them by something I said or did. Maybe someone in the church or the church in general hurt them or in some way caused their inactivity. Yet my focus was on them and not on me or the church. I was looking at the speck in their eye and forgetting all about the log in my own eye.

Then, as if the first two weren’t enough, I totally messed up the third “G”. Instead of going to them personally and restoring them gently, speaking the truth in love and spending time ministering to them in their hurt, anger or temptation, I was more concerned about their worship attendance and how that looked on them and on the church.

Certainly I cared about them. I wanted them back in worship where they could receive the good news of the Gospel and His body and blood for the forgiveness of their sins. I wanted them to see that the longer they stayed away from church the more in danger they may be of losing their faith all together. I cared about them and frankly was worried about them. Yet I didn’t show that in my words and actions.

Can you see how my approach was more than a little off? I was writing letters instead of speaking to people personally. I was judging others without first judging myself. I was not going to them gently but in a spirit of judgment and criticism. Instead of offering support and forgiveness I was offering up ultimatums and deadlines.

Oh, I could justify myself all day long. After all, the church constitution says that a person can be considered “inactive” after only six months. I wouldn’t “deal’ with people till after at least a year and a half and even longer. After all wasn’t it my job to make sure that people were holding up their end of the bargain, fulfilling the vows they made at their confirmation? After all, I was “in the right” and they were “in the wrong”.

What good does justifying oneself do? No good at all. It is God who justifies the sinner. It is God who makes things truly “right” in us. Justifying myself only caused all sorts of walls to go up between me and the people God had placed into my care.

While it may be too late for some of the relationships I have done such a good job to mess up, I thank God that he has used some wonderful loving people to correct me and ring me around to a right, Biblical and loving way of thinking so that I will do a better job to restore future broken ones. I thank god that he has kicked me in the you know what, that he has brought me down to a place of severe humility so that He may lift me up again.

As you work on your broken relationships and as you gently restore the person you love. Remember that your goal is not to justify yourself, it is not to judge, but it is to reconcile, it is to forgive, and it is to help them to restore their relationship with God. If you go to restore the person you love without glorifying God and getting the log out of your own eye first, you will not succeed. If you want them to see their sins for all the wrong reasons, you won’t be successful. If you don’t do all these things out of the pure and genuine love of Christ, it won’t work.

It is my hope and prayer that out of my mistakes and failures some good might come. It is my prayer that you will use what I have learned to reconcile your relationships and bring everlasting peace.

This past week I went to a workshop called “Coaching through Conflict”. In this workshop we were taught how to coach others as they work through conflicts with each other. Throughout the next few weeks I will share with you some of the things that I have learned, my “wisdom from on high” if you will.

One of the things that our workshop leader said that really struck me is that he never thought he would be at a seminary teaching pastors how to deal with conflict.much less teaching them how to coach others. I would imagine that much of the church conflict that we experience is due to the fact that pastors have not dealt with conflict in a right way, nor have we taught and coached the members of our churches on how to deal with conflict in the right way.

Throughout the next few months I will be giving practical, Biblical advice on how to work through conflict. It is important that we, as Christians, learn how to use conflict to share the Gospel with each other and so bring peace to our broken relationships in every area of our lives. For the benefit of this article we will call the art of reconciliation “peacemaking”.

Today I simply want to talk about the first “G” of peacemaking, “Glorify God”. When it comes to the conflicts in our lives too often we focus on our own needs, wants and desires. How can I get them to do what I want? They just aren’t listening to me. I need this. I want that. You get the idea.

Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we need to rejoice in the Lord and bring him praise by depending on His forgiveness, wisdom, power, and love as we seek to faithfully obey his commands and maintain a loving, merciful, and forgiving attitude. Instead of focusing on our own needs and wants we should focus on what God wants in the situation. Notice I said what God wants, as what God wants may not necessarily be what the other person wants.

If God is glorified in a conflict the conflict will not be so much a problem as it will be an opportunity for genuine, real healing of souls to occur. What God wants is there to be peace and reconciliation in conflict. He wants the good news of His mercy and grace to be brought to bear on the lives of His people. He wants the relationship restored with each other so that the relationship with him can also be restored.

Our conflicts are not so much about the things we fight over as they are about the sin in our lives. Let’s face it, if there was no sin, there would be no conflict. Since there is sin, since there is a selfishness to us that we will never fully get rid of this side of heaven, there will always be conflict, not only between humans, but also between humans and God.

One very real way that we can glorify God is to recognize and realize the sin in our lives. Just as the first step in recovering from alcoholism is to admit that you are an alcoholic, so the first step in recovering from sin is admitting that you are sinner. Once you admit that to God, God is ready with arms open wide, to forgive your wickedness and remember your sins no more.

You can do this in your conflicts with others as well. You can glorify God by admitting your guilt in the conflict to the person with whom you have the conflict. Even if it is nothing more than how you reacted to what the other person did or said to you, you still have a part in the conflict. You still have sin to confess. The best way to begin to resolve a conflict then is to not only confess your sins to God but to confess them to the person against whom you have sinned.

Imagine this scenario. You have been fighting for months with your spouse about a bedtime for the kids. At times it has come to a shouting match. She thinks they should be able to stay up later. You think they should be in bed by 8pm. You have said some pretty choice words to each other. Now imagine that you go to them tonight and confess that you have said some really mean things to them and that you have shouted and yelled when you shouldn’t have. You also confess that you really haven’t been listening to her and only want your way for your own sake.

What would that do? Would it break down barriers that you have put up? Would it make way for a free flowing discussion where you could come to agreement? Would it heal a broken relationship?

I urge you throughout these next two weeks, till the next article, to think about all the conflicts you are having in your life and how you have been a big part of them. Confess your sins to God. Then go and confess them to your opponent. See what happens. This alone might just fix your relationship.

On the other hand, the other person might be stubborn and not ready to accept your new attitude and outlook. Be prepared for that. Realize that they have not had the same advice that you have had. The only thing you can control is what you do and say! And remember GLORIFY GOD!

This past week my family and I did a lot of traveling. We went to Indiana for a wedding, from there we went to Minnesota to visit my family for our Christmas celebration, and then we drove back home to Warrenton. All in all it was a total of 27 hours on the road. It was a long trip, but nothing compared to the trip that the magi, also known as the wise men, took from the east to see Christ the king.

We don’t know exactly how old Jesus was when the magi went to see him. Many crèches (nativity scenes) have them seeing Jesus lying as the infant in the manger. We can figure that this probably wasn’t the case. There is really only one piece of evidence that points to this and that is that when Herod found out that the magi had not come back to report to him as they were asked he became outraged and ordered that all the males two years old and younger be killed.

In any case it was a long trip and one that these magi thought very important to make, for they were going to see the King of kings and Lord of lords. Even at that time, as the child of a poor carpenter and his young wife, Jesus was so important that three very important astrologers, wise men, some even call them kings, would travel such a long distance to see him.

This is what Epiphany is all about. Epiphany is a season, celebrated in many Christian churches, during which the majesty of the Lord Jesus Christ is revealed. The stories we focus on at this time of year are the visit from the magi; his baptism at which the voice from heaven, the Father, calls him his beloved son; his first miracle of turning water into wine; and we end it with all with his transfiguration, the time that he went up to the mountain with his disciples Peter, James and John and had a meeting with Moses and Elijah and was transfigured so that he shined with the brilliance and glory of heaven.

All of these events show the importance and glory of Jesus They show us that he was more than just a man who had somewhat of an impact on the earth. They show him to be who he really is, our God and our Savior.

The question is who is he to you? Is he just a guy that you simply go to when you need him? Is he someone that you are trying to appease so that he likes you more? Is he someone that you think about every once in a while when you get the “feeling”? Or is he the Lord and God of your life?

He should be our God and Lord, but he isn’t all the time, is he? We don’t think about him all the time. Our attitudes and actions are not always based on his will. Our life doesn’t always revolve around him. We fail all the time, every day.

My friends, that is exactly why he came in the first place. He came for us. He came to take our place. He came to be the guy that always had the right thoughts, actions, and attitudes for us. He came to provide the perfect love that we couldn’t provide. He came to give the perfect sacrifice that we couldn’t give. He came to be Immanuel (God with us).

For all this it is our duty to thank and praise, serve and obey him. He doesn’t require it of us for our salvation. We don’t obey him to be saved. We obey him because we are saved. Our Christian life becomes one of thanksgiving and praise because Jesus came to earth to save us and because WE ARE SAVED by his precious blood and righteousness.

Throughout this Epiphany season listen to and reflect on the stories of Epiphany. Through His Word, allow him to reveal himself to you as he really is, your God, so that the peace that goes above and beyond all understanding might keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, all the way to your eternal life!